Wedding Stories

This is a collection of wedding stories from Universal Life Church ministers who have performed them. Hopefully, you'll find some things to make you laugh and some tips to help you in your own wedding business.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Wedding Stories

Universal Life Church
This weekend I married my friends. I thought it would be really cool to do the entire service using my iPad. I thought that I would be an innovator, an early adopter—it was the geekiest part of my soul that made me want to do this. In some ways, I was more excited about marrying people using an iPad than the marriage itself. My wife, an early adopter by marriage, was disgusted at me and warned me, ominously, that if something went wrong I would be screwed. I scoffed at the comment knowing that my faith in Jobs would win the day.

The service started well enough as you can see in the picture. Everything was happy until midway through the service when the temperature warning went off and the iPad said, "the iPad is overheating and will need to cool down. Oh, and you're totally screwed."

Suddenly I was panicked. As a new reverend of the Universal Life Church I had never dealt with a technical challenge during a service. I was nervous enough as it was. Beads of sweat formed on my head. I quickly fast forwarded the service to some readings that the bride's father was going to do, hoping he'd be long-winded.

I went to where my wife was sitting and quickly popped my iPad out of the DodoCase, putting it under her chair in the grass to cool it down. Having seen the error on the iPad when I popped it out of the case, she looked at me with disdain. She knew that I, and my trusting friends, were about to take it in the pooper. The iPad was too fried and I was going to have to wing it.

Of course it all ended up okay. Most said that they didn't know the difference. Personally, I wouldn't have changed my decision. As early adopters we need to push forward constantly even when it means that we have to hold our phones differently to make a phone call.

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Ordination with the Universal Life Church, is free,  and lasts for life, so use the Free Online Ordination, button.

As a long time member of ULC, Rev. Long created the seminary site with wedding ceremonies to help train our ministers. We also have a huge catalog of Universal Life Church materials.


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Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Wedding Stories

Flower Girl

I went to a wedding once where a flower girl was taking her job very, very seriously. Someone must have coached her to drop a petal at every step because she would carefully take one step, then reach into her basket, take out one flower petal, and place it carefully on the floor in front of herself. It was a hoot watching her! Then when she got to the altar, she realized she still had petals in her basket, so she turned it upside down and shook out the petals! LOL! The best part was the terribly grave expression of concentration on her little face.

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The Universal Life Church is a comprehensive online seminary where we have many classes in Christianity, one about Wicca, several forms of Paganism, two courses in Metaphysics and much more. 
You can  become an ordained minister, for free,  and for life, so use this Free Online Ordination, link.
This  online seminary, run by Rev. Long, has created a chaplaincy program to help train our ministers. We also have a huge catalog of minister supplies
 
Try our new free toolbar at: ULC Toolbar

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Wedding Stories

Groom's Speech
My cousin Craig was the groom and was about to make his speech at the reception.  This traditionally starts with the words "On behalf of my wife and I..." and everyone cheers.  But Craig (who was a little tipsy) forgot the traditional opening and just launched into the speech.

His wife Diane began tugging at his jacket, hissing "Say "my wife and I!"".  Craig ignored her and continued with the speech, batting at her hand like he was shooing a fly.  Diane continued with the hissing and tugging until Craig turned to her in obvious exasperation and said "Shut up, woman!"

There was a hideous, eternal second of horrified silence before Diane burst out laughing.

After 15 years of happy marriage and 4 kids, she still thinks it's hilarious and Craig still hasn't lived it down.

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The Universal Life Church is a comprehensive online seminary where we have many classes in Christianity, one about Wicca, several forms of Paganism, two courses in Metaphysics and much more. 
You can  become an ordained minister, for free,  and for life, so use this Free Online Ordination, link.
This  online seminary, run by Rev. Long, has created a chaplaincy program to help train our ministers. We also have a huge catalog of minister supplies
 
Try our new free toolbar at: ULC Toolbar

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Wedding Stories

Wrong Name
When I got married last year the officiant called Mr. Sweede by the wrong name. His actual legal name is an American nickname, but he was born in another country and his parents liked the nickname better than the traditional name, so they picked the nickname.

On the legal paperwork for our marriage it says his actual name (nickname) and I only used his actual name in all correspondence with the officiant.

But the officiant must have assumed that Mr. Sweede was actually called the traditional name. So he used it during the entire ceremony. Mr. Sweede was a little put off and some people in the audience giggled the first time the officiant said the wrong name (cause they all knew better). But when it was time to say the vows and Mr. Sweede had to repeat after the officiant, he actually corrected the officiant in the middle of our ceremony. People were laughing out loud as we said our vows.

Since that night people who were at the wedding have been calling Mr. Sweede by wrong name on purpose, cause they think it is funny.

Too bad there was no videographer.

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The Universal Life Church is a comprehensive online seminary where we have many classes in Christianity, one about Wicca, several forms of Paganism, two courses in Metaphysics and much more. 
You can  become an ordained minister, for free,  and for life, so use this Free Online Ordination, link.
This  online seminary, run by Rev. Long, has created a chaplaincy program to help train our ministers. We also have a huge catalog of minister supplies
 
Try our new free toolbar at: ULC Toolbar

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Wedding Stories

Funny Vows

My parents decided to memorize their traditional vows (I Bride, take you Groom, blah blah.). Well, my mom practiced for weeks. Everywhere they went, she'd be reciting them to herself, "I, Mary, take you, Michael..."

Dad never practiced. She would bug him: "Don't you need to practice?" and he'd say, "I've got them down, no problem."

The Big Day arrives. They're standing before the priest. My father opens his mouth and says, "I, Mary, take you, Michael...."

33 years later, he still hasn't lived that one down.

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The Universal Life Church is a comprehensive online seminary where we have many classes in Christianity, one about Wicca, several forms of Paganism, two courses in Metaphysics and much more. 
You can  become an ordained minister, for free,  and for life, so use this Free Online Ordination, link.
This  online seminary, run by Rev. Long, has created a chaplaincy program to help train our ministers. We also have a huge catalog of minister supplies
 
Try our new free toolbar at: ULC Toolbar

Monday, July 26, 2010

Wedding Stories

One the Way to the Wedding

Mum , dad and brother are making their way up to the hotel to get ready 2 hours before kickoff , when all of a sudden smoke starts pouring into the interior of the car . Dad has respiratory probs anyway , and he's starting to panic , so they screech to a halt on the hard shoulder of the A120 , with Mother screeching ' GET OUT OF THE CAR !! GET OUT OF THE CAR !! ' and brother trying to put out the fire by throwing the dregs of a small bottle of Evian over the center console, but to no avail . Call the Fire Brigade, and at this point Mother remembers the ludicrously expensive Jacques Vert mother of the bride outfit about to smolder to nothing in the boot . So, she wallops brother over the head , screeches 'GET BACK TO THE CAR ! GET BACK TO THE CAR !! ' and gets him to retrieve said outfit . Fire Brigade duly turn up and do the honors , and shut the road to be on the safe side .

I in the meantime am at the hotel , when I get a raging phone call from hubby to be because he's stuck in traffic because 'some stupid person's car's on fire ' .......

In the finish, he's then driving to the hotel, when he recognizes said in law's vehicle on the back of the recovery truck!

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The Universal Life Church is a comprehensive online seminary where we have many classes in Christianity, one about Wicca, several forms of Paganism, two courses in Metaphysics and much more. 
You can  become an ordained minister, for free,  and for life, so use this Free Online Ordination, link.
This  online seminary, run by Rev. Long, has created a chaplaincy program to help train our ministers. We also have a huge catalog of minister supplies
 
Try our new free toolbar at: ULC Toolbar

Friday, July 23, 2010

Wedding Stories

The Joy of Duct Tape
One of the sisterhood (a super tight group of girlfriends I have, closer than family) was getting married some years back to her childhood sweetheart (we tease them about "rushing it" they had known each other for 14 years and had broken up and gotten back years later as adults).  Well, my friend asked all of us to be bridesmaids (not a bridezilla thing, she's a total softy who wanted everyone to feel included).  A few days before the wedding, I realize no one had thought to pack an emergency kit for the day of.  So I grab a spare purse and start throwing in everything I could think of.  Needle, thread, super glue, extra hose, a package of safety pins, scissors, clear nail polish etc...  Then I spy a role of duct tape and think "heck, you never know" and toss it in.

The day of the wedding, while everyone is gratefully making use of the emergency kit, my friends proceed to tease me about the duct tape.  I shrug and say "hey, duct tape fixes everything, it might come in handy".  Sure enough, halfway through preparations, J (fiance of one the bridesmaids and "go between" for bridesmaids and groomsmen's) knocks on the door of our dressing area and asks if we by chance have, quote, "some safety pins and duct tape"!  While the other bridesmaids grab a hold of furniture and howl with laughter I smugly hand J the requested items and simply state "told you so".  Turns out one the groomsmen had a broken belt and needed the duct tape to fix it.  I still get teased about that sometimes but I always point it, it got used!

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The Universal Life Church is a comprehensive online seminary where we have many classes in Christianity, one about Wicca, several forms of Paganism, two courses in Metaphysics and much more. 
You can  become an ordained minister, for free,  and for life, so use this Free Online Ordination, link.
This  online seminary, run by Rev. Long, has created a chaplaincy program to help train our ministers. We also have a huge catalog of minister supplies
 
Try our new free toolbar at: ULC Toolbar